Once you've conquered the first set of 2009 traffic laws, you might be ready for Round 2. Proceed with caution...

-Every time you change lanes in moderate to heavy traffic, an angel gets its wings. In a perfect world, your steering wheel would never be left in the "straight" position. It should always be veering or jerked in one direction or another. This is a wonderful way to monitor steering and alignment responsiveness for all those times when you are best served by taking someone else's lane, whether you're entitled to it or not. This practice is vital when attempting to reach your destination 7 to 9 seconds faster than if you had just stayed put. Every little helps! Truly words to live by.

-Turn signals are purely cosmetic. The blinking of the light is just for nostalgia. The only reason these items are still included on cars is that people are so used to seeing the orange on each corner of a car. There is absolutely no purpose in notifying the cars around you of your intention. That is clearly a violation of personal liberty and downright intrusive. If those other people would pay better attention, they wouldn't need a blinking orange light in addition to the sudden flash of red when you slam on your brakes to make a last-second turn.

-The previous item may have been somewhat misleading. Turn signals do still play a very important role on roads with at least 2 lanes of traffic moving in the same direction. If you want to be in the other lane, by pulling up next to a car in that lane, then activating your turn signal, you will effectively make that car disappear and you can go ahead. The lane will be yours and that other car that was in the way is now an afterthought. By demonstrating your willingness to use the oft-neglected turn signal, you are maintaining the legacy of a bygone era.

-If you are unsure of where you are going or generally unfamiliar with the area in which you are driving, under no circumstances should you pull off the road and figure it out. The only suitable response to cluelessness is to stay on the road and attempt to figure it out as you go. This is most commonly accomplished by driving very slow and reading every single street sign at every single intersection. If that doesn't help, you can also drive erratically and veer into other lanes of traffic or off the road completely. This should adequately signal the other drivers that you are completely unaware of your surroundings and they should immediately stop what they are doing until you decide what you're doing. If someone attempts to pass you or honk their horn to remind you that you're about to get yourself/someone killed, you should give that person the worst look you can conjure. After all, they aren't the one from out of town and they should be better hosts.