You might want to get a pencil and take notes, because this will be the most important thing you read in a long time. This is the true value of blogs such as this one. The ability to share vital information that expands mental horizons and build perspective on life.

Ok, so as the beloved Cleveland Indians play on MLB Extra Innings, it comes to mind: why is their opponent the Minnesota Twins and not the Minneapolis Twins? This is not an isolated phenomenon as it relates to the Land of 10,000 Lakes. Their NBA team is the Minnesota Timberwolves, the NFL team is the Minnesota Vikings and the NHL team (which actually plays in St. Paul) is the Minnesota Wild.

The immediately obvious reason for this is that the city name Minneapolis is not very marketable and might not fit so well on player uniforms. This seams reasonable enough, but are "Indianapolis", "Milwaukee" and "Philadelphia" really any different in this respect?

Then there's the possibility of wanting to be more inclusive of an entire state in order to develop a larger fan base. Again, this seems very plausible, but are people in Duluth or Moorhead really going to naturally cheer for anyone other than Minneapolis' teams? It seems very unlikely. About 70% of Minnesota's population reside in the Minneapolis-St. Paul metropolitan area, so it seems like those people wouldn't mind if their favorite team represented their hometown rather than their home state.

Minnesota is probably about the most extreme example of a large percentage of a state's population living in one metropolitan area. Many other states have more than one large city or don't have a city as large as Minneapolis-St. Paul. And yes, it is quite large. This notion is further magnified by the fact that Minnesota is a quite large state. Outside of Mpls-StP, there is about 80,000 square miles of Minnesota and about 1.5 million people. That is pretty sparse and definitely more sparse than the Georgia/Atlanta, Portland/Oregon, Seattle/Washington, or Denver/Colorado relationship.

Ok, so now that that's out of the way, you can go ahead and return to your regularly-scheduled lives.

It's so great when things like this come along. Regardless of what they say, people can't help but see you a little differently with this kind of thing providing some perspective.

Just to sum up, Bruce Dickinson (yes, the frontman of Iron Maiden) wrote a movie and this movie just so happened to be about a university professor that becomes the reincarnation of ol' Aleister. Joy.

Maybe some redemption will come later in 2009 when Harrison Ford stars in a new movie by the same name. That Harrison Ford, he's classy and children's struggles with genetic disorders is downright uplifting.

This has been a truly exceptional week in sports. Among the highlights:

-Major League Baseball has begun. This is a wonderful thing, in case you were not aware. The wonder is further perpetuated by such glorious things as fantasy baseball and the MLB Extra Innings package. The combination of high speed internet for tracking stats and Extra Innings to watch all those otherwise irrelevant game makes Comcast almost friend for once.

-The NCAA basketball tournament(s) came to a somewhat unceremonious end. Yeah, the women play one also, contrary to popular assumption, save ESPN. It's interesting how ESPN kinda advertises and hypes the women's tournament as if it's exactly the same thing as CBS's men's version. They've even started staggering the games to play a day later than the men's, as if they might lure some viewers in denial that the season is over. Regardless, the teams that started the season atop the men's and women's polls won their respective tournaments without much of a challenge. As it turns out, North Carolina's toughest game may have been the 2nd round matchup against LSU. Go figure. Regardless, UNC's ability to play to their potential allowed someone you know to rack up in tournament pool winnings. Well, if you consider $32.50 "racking up".

-The Masters is being played this weekend. Tiger Woods is playing and doing alright, but not winning. This means nobody really has anything to talk about. You can't talk about how he's dominating and you can't talk about how he's struggling. He's just playing and currently sits tied for 10th place. That's not an insurmountable deficit and actually sets himself up nicely for a dominating Sunday comeback win. Then everyone will have something to talk about.

-A huge shocker out of Springfield, Massachusetts, Michael Jordan has been elected to the Basketball Hall of Fame. Just stop for a minute and let that sink in.

-In less-significant news, unless this dude is on your (clears throat) fantasy football team in a "keeper" league, Marshawn Lynch has been suspended for the first 3 games of next NFL season. This is hardly surprising since this dude has an appearance that lends itself to mugshots. Even when he's posing for a media headshot, he can't help but look like he was just arrested for something in a haze of smoke and booze.

Once you've conquered the first set of 2009 traffic laws, you might be ready for Round 2. Proceed with caution...

-Every time you change lanes in moderate to heavy traffic, an angel gets its wings. In a perfect world, your steering wheel would never be left in the "straight" position. It should always be veering or jerked in one direction or another. This is a wonderful way to monitor steering and alignment responsiveness for all those times when you are best served by taking someone else's lane, whether you're entitled to it or not. This practice is vital when attempting to reach your destination 7 to 9 seconds faster than if you had just stayed put. Every little helps! Truly words to live by.

-Turn signals are purely cosmetic. The blinking of the light is just for nostalgia. The only reason these items are still included on cars is that people are so used to seeing the orange on each corner of a car. There is absolutely no purpose in notifying the cars around you of your intention. That is clearly a violation of personal liberty and downright intrusive. If those other people would pay better attention, they wouldn't need a blinking orange light in addition to the sudden flash of red when you slam on your brakes to make a last-second turn.

-The previous item may have been somewhat misleading. Turn signals do still play a very important role on roads with at least 2 lanes of traffic moving in the same direction. If you want to be in the other lane, by pulling up next to a car in that lane, then activating your turn signal, you will effectively make that car disappear and you can go ahead. The lane will be yours and that other car that was in the way is now an afterthought. By demonstrating your willingness to use the oft-neglected turn signal, you are maintaining the legacy of a bygone era.

-If you are unsure of where you are going or generally unfamiliar with the area in which you are driving, under no circumstances should you pull off the road and figure it out. The only suitable response to cluelessness is to stay on the road and attempt to figure it out as you go. This is most commonly accomplished by driving very slow and reading every single street sign at every single intersection. If that doesn't help, you can also drive erratically and veer into other lanes of traffic or off the road completely. This should adequately signal the other drivers that you are completely unaware of your surroundings and they should immediately stop what they are doing until you decide what you're doing. If someone attempts to pass you or honk their horn to remind you that you're about to get yourself/someone killed, you should give that person the worst look you can conjure. After all, they aren't the one from out of town and they should be better hosts.

As a public service, here is Lesson #1 in traffic laws of 2009. Please read carefully and apply in your daily driving.

-It is absolutely vital that you follow the car in front of you as close as possible, even if the car in front of you is in a tight line with cars in front of them. The closer you follow, the more likely that entire queue in front of you will disappear. When the driver in front of you gestures for you to back off, it is your duty to be aghast at their rudeness and shake your head and fist in disbelief.

-When on an interstate or other limited access highway, the larger the vehicle you are operating, the further to the left you should be. The intent here is for you to drive as slow as possible, thus causing a long line of vehicles as mentioned above. You are singlehandedly allowing the previous scenario to happen! Most preferred left lane vehicles are church vans, utility trucks and wreckers.

-Placing an inspirational sticker or tag on your car automatically makes everything you do on the road forgivable. A vanity plate/decal expressing your faith is especially effective in removing responsibility. Of course you are cutting people off because you want them to see the back of your car and be inspired. You are saving souls with your haphazard driving and there is a special place waiting for you in the next life.

-It is absolutely mandatory to talk on your cellphone whenver operating a car. This is clearly a safety matter. If you were in a wreck, how else would anyone know if you weren't already on the phone to tell someone? There is no telling how many lives have been saved by people on the phone with people having automobile wrecks. Someday the cars will drive/steer themselves so that using a steering wheel and watching the road will be a nuisance of the past. Then both hands will be free for not only your phone, but also your cigarette, coffee, make-up, burger, etc. No longer will those important "Oh no he didn't" conversations at 7:30am have to be interrupted by the intrusive horn honk of the car you almost side-swiped. Do those people not realize that it's hard to carry on a conversation while they're making all that racket? At least you've already got someone on the line to tell about the rude behavior of those people who insist on driving without talking on the phone unless absolutely necessary.