Tuesday, October 7, 2008

After a quick viewing of Pink Floyd's The Wall, which was quite an interesting thing to watch immediately preceding, welcome to the 2008 Presidential Election Debate live blog. This is being brought to you in glorious high-definition detail from a sofa across the street from the very same Belmont University in the very same Nashville, Tennessee as the debate.

Obama: Goes first, so gets first dig and first example of hindsight being 20/20, but sounds visionary coming from a presidential candidate. Added bonus: first appeal to the middle-class.

McCain: Answers the economic question with energy independence. Big surprise. Like vice president candidate, like president candidate. Tom Brokaw gives the most uncomfortable chuckle in the history of mankind. McCain doesn't know who his Secretary of the Treasury would be, but that's forgivable. Ok, now he has some choices and chose the founder of eBay.

Obama: Warren Buffet? Really? Ok, back to the middle class. The best way to help the middle class is to make a multi-billionaire head of the treasury? First "stop talking so long and deciding the course of discussion yourself" warning.

Cue the creepy camera angle of Obama's head appearing to rest on McCain's shoulder while he talks. Quickly find another angle. This one is just too creepy.

McCain: Score one for remembering Alan's name when he's talking to Oliver. Impressive.

Obama: Snap. Economically, we're living in the 20th century. We're soooo 9 years ago. He's not really sure how to handle the de-mon-stra-tive lady and her question. At least his eyes didn't get $700 billion big, like the lady sitting a row back. Here's energy independence, Obama-style. Net...spending...cut. So let's get this straight, the people controlling Washington are lobbyists and special interest groups, but not the Democratic Congress they serve? Interesting.

McCain: He's definitely on the attack. $860 billion in new spending? Porkbarrels? $3 million overhead projectors in Chicago? This is confusing. Can't wait for the response. Referencing a $3 million projector is fighting words. Brokaw does not have time for all this jibber-jabber during the one-minute comment. Wait, what are those three things? Uh, welfare...uh...energy...um...cheeseburgers? Ding, ding: clean coal and terrorists. Double bonus.

Obama: Ooooooooh, he said "Nashville". He loves us. JFK reference. Everyone loves JFK. Healthcare is broken, but only #2 on his list. We probably need to model our "broken" heathcare program after Cuba's in order to fix it. The audience looks bored. They may be trying to hide their partisanship, but they look sad. Aren't debates about fun?

McCain: Sweet! A 78 year old! Using the internet! Talk about serving up a softball. This is proof that people can live past 73. 78! Ha! That's one term and with an extra year to help President Palin get elected. Now we're talking about earmarks for the contents of those porkbarrels and transparencies for that overhead projector.

Obama: "A lot" of us remember 9/11? Thanks for considering all the kids under 7 that might not remember 9/11. What a guy. Back to energy, but not before critiquing Bush's recommendation that shopping is patriotic in response to a terrorist act. Oh wait, young people...Peace Corps! Yeah, double that. Surely that won't cost anything. Perfect, the next question is about debt. This should be good. He hasn't mentioned the 78 year old in Chicago yet. It was her question. Use a scalpel, not a hatchet. How long would this scalpel take to fix everything?

McCain: He is name-dropping Herbert Hoover. Not helping that whole "age" issue. First Palinism, "the news is baaaad". Says "Amuricun" a la W.

Obama: Trying to break the rules. Brokaw shuts him down. Now Tom is asking his own question. This is pure anarchy. "My first term as President". Dang. "The Straight-Talk Express lost a wheel" drew smirks from the audience, but they tried to hide it. They clearly have Obama fever and are in heat. Ok, we've already heard about this. $300 billion, $200 billion, $700,000...

McCain: He's here to answer the question, friends. We need more Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neil, except in the living form. Stop making people think of dead white dudes, Johnny. Uh oh, there's that 94 votes for raising taxes following Obama. Rebuttal is surely coming. His best days are ahead of him. Bold. What are "green jobs"? Disagreement with Bush Administration. Good start. For the record, he is saying "nuclear" properly. Don't believe anyone saying otherwise. He is having trouble with "alternative", though. That's twice now.

Obama: Where is this computer talk going? What is going to be like the computer? What's a computer? He says "nuclear" correctly also. What a relief. 3% of oil reserves and 25% of the use. Heard this before.

McCain: Uh oh...now we're in favor of big government spending. Off-shore drilling is vital. Is it fundamental? Oh wait, there it is: fundamental economics. Supply and demand, baby.

Obama: Heathcare. No answers yet. McCain is lurking. Please stop. Ok, here's the plan. Computers! Use computers! Obama is getting the yellow light. This is like a elementary school cafeteria. Mammograms and maternity leave? What about dudes?

McCain: The internet! Reduce errors! Fundamental! $5000 credit for healthcare! Cross state lines! Hair transplant joke = crash and burn. $5000 again!

Obama: Fundamental. Healthcare is a right, but an enforceable right? Clearly McCain hates children. He wants them to die. Whoaaaaaaaaaaa, he just called out Delaware for loose banking laws. Hello Joe Biden, his state and MBNA interests. Dang.

McCain: "The greatest force for good in the history of the Earth". Wow. Oh right, he's old, he would know. Almost forgot.

Obama: Turn it around. He'll tell us what he doesn't understand. Had to be done, though. Iraq. About time. The Iraqis have a $79 billion surplus? Who knew? We must be doing a great job there. Better than here, for sure. Fundamental. Fundamental. Ok, so we can use military force as a moral judgment call? Brokaw threw a curve. Well played, Tom.

McCain: He says "my friends" a lot. Kinda mumbling. Fundamental. "Cool hand at the tiller". Are we farmers? Is "beneficially" a good word? Must be, he's using it repetitively, although not beneficially. Spell check isn't catching it. Must be OK.

Obama: End the war. But don't bring the boys home. Send them all to Afghanistan. We will KILL bin Laden and CRUSH al Queda.

McCain: He says "Pakistan" like a normal person. He can't decide how he wants to pronounce "Taliban".

This is starting to drag. Most of what people will remember from this is Tom Brokaw playing hall monitor to keep the kids in line. Obama is talking now and McCain is trying to be funny. Blah, blah, blah. McCain is asking permission to speak, which is strange. He is appearing to be a teacher's pet to Professor Brokaw. These guys need to prove a point and give a straight answer to the question that was asked, then sit down. McCain can do that strange leaning against the stool thing he's been doing and Obama can keep that "one knee up" contemplative look that works so well. They just need to shut up first.

McCain: Russia=Putin=K. G. B. No Cold War, but Russia must pay. They must understand. We will use "leverage" to make that happen.

Obama: Support the Poles, Estonia, Latvia...uh...all those other countries. What is up with the guy that wore his trucker hat into the debate? Was that allowed? Is that Joe Six-Pack? Does he live on Main Street? Clearly not Main Street in East Nashville. The key to Russia? Energy independence, of course.

McCain: Pandering to the Navy guy. He ate it up, though. Can McCain answer a question about Iran attacking Israel without mentioning Obama's "buddy" Ahmadinejad? Nope. A "league of democracies"? Sounds like comic book superheroes.

Obama: Hasn't mentioned his buddy yet. Cost-benefit analysis? Haha. Did he see that guy talk to Michelle? Trouble brewing.

McCain: Talking about his dad being off in the military while he was growing up. People are doing the math and trying to figure out which war that might have been. Civil? 1812? Another "tiller" reference. Farmers must love this.

Ok, it's over. Lots of hand-shaking. Lots of smiling. Everyone is just trying to find a way to hang around and avoid going out in this heavy rain that has just returned. This is the kind of first-person perspective that you, prospective voters, need in times such as these. TV commentators don't know it's raining outside the debate right now.

Obviously Kodak got the contract to provide disposable cameras to the audience members. One guy had his digital out, but his buddy took a crooked picture of him and Obama, but there wasn't time for another. Too bad, dude. You won't be gaining any Facebook friends tomorrow thanks to that picture. One girl is eagerly getting Tom Brokaw's autograph and a picture with him. She might have missed the whole point of this event. Glad she's voting!

Well, it's raining and time for bed. After the past couple of hours, it shouldn't be tough to find.

2 comments:

Patrick Copeland said...

I need a nap after reading that. I did like both of their pleas to the middle/lower class. After 15 minutes of it, though, we put on the DVD of 'Run Fatboy Run.' While not great, it was better than the Town Hall Meeting.

::Hugs::

RC said...

You didn't read the whole thing. You can't even read in the first place.