Today's lunchspot is one those places where the "flair" isn't worn by the employees, a la Office Space, but rather by the walls. The ceiling, also. There are tons of license plates, baseball caps, framed newspapers, etc. Apparently it seems as though patrons are meant to feel as though they're eating in their garage at home, amid all the junk that has been relegated there. Odd.

On a previous visit, noticed among the random signs posted on the wall is one that reads, "On this spot in 1897...nothing happened". Upon first reading, it seemed innocuous enough and completely not funny. Then again, it's just crap on the wall at a chicken finger place. It's almost meant to be ignored. Before the meal was even half gone, a young lady at an adjacent table pointed out the sign and exclaimed, "OMG, THAT'S HILARIOUS". Point taken.

Today, another adjacent table gave the sign a sliver of credence. This guy was sitting a few feet away from me, but he went unnoticed until one customer wished him "a good season". Clearly this was not a typical chicken finger fan. Most chicken finger fans are not 6'6", 320 lbs and make $7.25 million a year, though. This particular chicken finger eater has a reputation, though:



In the spirit of SEC Media Days, a jab: This type of behavior should come as no surprise, given his choice in universities.



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Just to clarify, the previous entry was written without having seen the movie. If it's wrong, there's a reason. If it's accurate, consider it luck. Just like life in general.

Sometimes life doesn't give itself up to be a blog entry. That's when life accommodates the writer, which doesn't necessarily happen often. Sure, there's always the potential for an entry about working late, learning German by reading production and material data for an automobile plant, seeing a car skid off the interstate at high speed during a downpour, etc. While all of that sounds potentially interesting (in ascending order, no less), the decision must be made to tell it in a way appealing to the reading public. Granted, the reading public may consist of nothing more than the author at different times of day. Then again, maybe it's hardest to hold one's own attention considering the outcome is predictable. Nevermind. Call this stretching.

Back to the dull point, even when life is pretty good and there's enough going on to scrawl out a few lines, it can't fly on its own. The same way that a description of something seemingly mundane can be captivating and vice versa. Don't let blogs say too much, but don't let several days between entries indicate nothing happening. An ounce of moderation is worth a pound of effectiveness.

Here's a review of the new Batman movie, The Dark Knight.

As many have already found out, this is a truly impressive film, full of intrigue, action and intensity. The title itself is very apt, as this film feels as if it is set completely during a "dark night", where the criminals rule and inflict terror on the innocent residents of Gotham City. Of course, despite being a "Batman movie", the star of the film is the Joker, played by the late Heath Ledger. If Hollywood is going to ever recognize the efforts that go into large-scale big-budget action movies, this is the time. If Ledger doesn't receive a nomination for his portrayal of the demented terrorist, the only greater tragedy would have been his untimely death earlier this year.

When Christian Bale isn't attacking (physically? verbally?) his mother, he delivers another strong performance as Batman/Bruce Wayne. His blandness as Wayne gives him lots of room to work with as the Caped Crusader. As Wayne, he appears almost asleep, but as Batman, he never sleeps. He gives the character exactly what it needs: consistency and an uncartoon-like countenance that has been missing since Michael Keaton in the first Batman.

Filmmaker Kevin Smith suggested that The Dark Knight builds on Batman Begins the same way Batman Begins built on the earlier Hollywood incarnations of Batman. That's a pretty big leap if you consider the difference between the last of the "early Batmans" and Batman Begins. It's hard to argue with Smith, though, since The Dark Knight took a good thing and made it that much better. First, there's no Katie Holmes to encourage the viewer's imagination to drift to Tom Cruise. Maggie Gyllenhaal seems a natural fit for the role, in all the ways Katie Holmes didn't. The inclusion of Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent adds a new element to the movie, which unfortunately gets lost in Hurricane Heath and his creepy facepaint. There's probably an entire other movie lurking in the Dent storyline alone. Then again, at a solid two and half hours long, The Dark Knight practically is two movies. Christopher Nolan made a wise move by having Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman reprise their roles as not only Bruce Wayne/Batman's steadying force, but the entire film's. Without their presence, this may have come across as another "psycho does crazy stuff, but the hero wins" kind of story. They add depth and depth is good.

Predictably, the story incorporates a fair amount of societal issues, primarily in the main characters. The terror that the Joker unleashes on Gotham City and the resulting fear is akin to the fear in Gotham's inspiration, New York City, after its terror. The citizens want to continue to live their lives as normal as possible, but there are always reminders of the world they and their city live in. As this fear manifests itself into paranoia, people start to act on their paranoia and the real trouble begins. At the center of the trouble, of course, is Ledger and his Joker. It would also be impossible to look past Harvey Dent's "two-faced" political motives and actions without a reflection on the real world. Clearly, someone spent a good bit of time thinking through this movie and the effort shows.

The Dark Knight will smash box office records, as has already been demonstrated with its enormous opening weekend. This will turn into enormous first two weeks, first three weeks, first month, first quarter and so on. The question is, exactly how much money will it make and exactly how many more of these films might we expect. The twenty-first century superhero movie has finally come into its own, after a promising start of the Spiderman trilogy and the X-Men movies. With Batman Begins, Iron Man and now The Dark Knight, this could be a definite shift in movie-making for the foreseeable future.

By the way, it's important to note that I haven't seen the movie yet and really haven't gone to any great effort to read about it. Or is it really that important?

It would seem there aren't many vomitoriums left in the world these days. Thankfully, there is still one in use here in Nashville at the James K. Polk Theater. I knew I moved here for a reason.

How could such a word survive since ancient Rome? Was there ever a discussion of maybe coming up with a new word for this? Maybe it just barely missed getting a new name? Regardless, consider this public notice that the vomitorium is alive and well, at least in these parts.

In order to clear up any confusion after the previous entry, college football is still the greatest thing ever.

If one listens to the right kind of sports talk radio, this fact will be abundantly clear. Whether or not the "right" kind of sports talk radio is being listened to, a few other truths are hammered home. This is because streaming radio broadcasts on the internet creates a phenomenon that is interesting, amusing and basically irrelevant all at once. Local commercials are preempted on the internet broadcast in favor of public service announcements and the like.

The cause of choice for internet sports radio appears to by the devastating cyclone a few months ago in Myanmar. Not to make light of the situation at all, but it is funny to hear the PSAs because the basic concept is a celebrity talking about the event and imploring the listening public to aid relief efforts through charitable contributions and such. Some of the celebrities most often featured are Ben Stiller, Tea Leoni...and Nicole Richie...with Joel Madden. Apparently the Richie/Madden duo has become quite the power couple for children awareness. A little further research indicates they have founded a charity for kids and then there's this PSA. There's no reason to make fun of this, but it is odd to see how some celebrities actually stumble into a positive light, whereas most seem to find the darkness quite often. Good for them, yeah?

Among the other gems heard most often is a PSA for McGruff the Crime Dog. Always a personal favorite, it is pretty fun to hear that now. The strange part is that the refrain of the commercial is a song being sung by a little girl. Normally this isn't a big deal, but what makes it odd is that she's singing the address of where McGruff prevents crime and such. Mind you, she isn't singing a website address, a la "FreeCreditReport.com", but a physical location, complete with zip code. It's hard to understand exactly what is being said, but it has been confirmed as "Scruff McGruff, Chicago, Illinois, 60652. Just to relieve any curiosity, McGruff does have a MySpace page.

The other commercial that immediately comes to mind is for the Country Music Hall of Fame and its (Hank) Williams Family exhibit, entitled something clever like "Family Tradition". The main drawing point mentioned in the commercial is that a skateboard belonging to Hank III is part of the exhibit and, OMG, what is a skateboard doing at the Country Music Hall of Fame? Truly riveting stuff. I almost can't go spend the admission fee fast enough.

It was coming sooner or later. It was inevitable. It was imminent. It was unavoidable. The baseball post.

Today is as good as any, since the Major League Baseball All-Star Game commences in about an hour. Ironically, the All Star Game may be the poorest embodiment of much of this post's substance, but that's OK. It was coming sooner or later. Inevitably. Imminently. Unavoidably.

Baseball seems to be most associated with exorbitant contracts, steroids and boredom. Not exactly a stellar list of things to be associated with, but this reality gives credence to the notion that baseball truly is a timeless institution. Baseball can be boring, even when played by mega-millionaires that spend mega-millions on steroids and human growth hormone. This isn't the essence of baseball or at least not to everyone. Of course, though, it's definitely an easy cop-out for those insisting on changing the TV channel or finding something better to do on a pleasant day (or Thursday night in Birmingham and Nashville). It's really too bad that every baseball game can't be played in a blizzard, complete with brawls and a combined 30 runs scored, but those who really enjoy the game itself will have to settle for what's left.

If weather phenomena and blood can't always be present to make the game fascinating, there must be something else that keeps people watching and obsessing. The key is that the game doesn't merely consist of who is pitching, hitting and fielding the ball. It would be unfair to say that a game played across such a vast expanse of grass is solely focused on where a fist-sized white ball happens to be. Obviously the ball is the catalyst for a lot in the game, but so much happens regardless of where the ball goes or doesn't go. Strategy prevails in baseball to extent probably greater than many other sports combined. Fielders must position themselves accordingly whether the batter hits the ball to them or never makes contact with the ball. A batter must not only know what the pitcher threw to the last hitter, but why he won't throw the same thing again, or maybe he will. This multi-faceted orchestra of activity is what makes the live experience of baseball unmatched. TV cameras don't pick up everything, but sitting at a game allows anyone to not only see the pitcher/batter action, but also the positioning of the fielders, the lead-off of baserunners, the signals being sent by coaches and the perspective of the umpires.

Furthermore, the fields of play can influence the action, and subsequent outcome, of a game more than in any other sport. Whereas professional football and basketball go to great lengths to ensure the uniformity of their fields of play, baseball prides itself on the opposite. Every major league field has different dimensions, different walls and different ground rules. A 320-foot fly ball down the right field line in Yankee Stadium is a homerun, where as the same hit to center field appears to barely go past second base, coming down almost 100 feet short of the centerfield fence. Fenway Park has a 3-foot high fence in right field and a 37-foot high fence in left. At Wrigley Field, the wall maintains a constant height, but might be solid brick or covered in ivy, depending what what time of year it is. This simply does not happen anywhere else.

Statistics and baseball have a love/hate relationship. Some will argue that stats play into decision-making too much and pure effort and athleticism will always win in the end. Others believe that baseball has been played long enough for reliable statistics to give the observer an idea of what to expect before it happens. Either way, the stats are overwhelming. A player's batting average and number of home runs provides a pretty good idea of what type of player he is. Add in his slugging percentage against left-handed knuckleballers in July day games played in domes with runners in scoring position and two outs in the 7th inning or later and the scenario takes on a whole new light. Clearly, this kind of detail is not for everyone, namely those who do not play fantasy baseball.

More than all the cheesy quirks of baseball, it cannot go unmentioned that baseball teams define neighborhoods, cities and lifestyles. Teams play day games on weekdays, in stadiums that pre-date World War I, that people skip work to attend with a ticket that still costs less than $10. Baseball is played in abundance on the big three patriotic holidays in May, July and September, Mother's Day, Father's Day and a lot of other days that are only significant because of what opponent happens to be in town.

So yes, baseball is important. More important than hundreds of million dollars. More important than human growth hormones. Definitely more important than just the Red Sox and Yankees.

A trip to the mall is always an excellent way to find out exactly where you fit in with the mainstream. So many people with so many purposes creates a unique Petri dish of American society, culture and consumerism. Even if there isn't a commerical purpose for a visit, the purpose can be to simply be around such a wide swath of people. It's the type of thing that keeps blogs such as this going during the lean times.

Among today's observations/blog fodder:

-The guy with the stroller. It remains one of the world's great mysteries why people must be completely irrational when children enter the equation. Maybe this is only a mystery to those not blessed with children, but it seems unlikely that proud parents could possibly be proud of their own behavior. One parent thought it socially acceptable to leave his child in a stroller and walk about 10 feet away to check out the on-sale rack. Of course the child starts squealing loudly, so after a few squeals, dad of the year leans toward the child and says something like "Maddylynsyn, please quiet down", which miraculously quiets the child for a bit. Once dad gets back to the stroller, he starts steering it toward me. I was trying to get out of the aisle, but was between two tables. As he realized this and we make eye contact, he started jerking the stroller further into my path, at which point the only way to avoid was to push against a table and side-step the oncoming stroller. Instinctively, a look was given that I try not to give often, but in this case, it definitely sent the "I know you were once cool, but now you're spending your weekend afternoons at the mall with your wife and baby, browsing the clearance items and being annoying" message. The "confrontation" might have continued, but he was quickly summoned by his baby-mama to verify that the dress she was trying on was too short.

-The kid in the bookstore. The bookstore is a personal favorite part of the mall because bookstores serve as a microcosm of the mall as a whole, which serves as a microcosm of society in general. Most people can find something they're interested in at the bookstore. This is because most people can read, or at the very least, look at pictures. There's also food at the bookstore, which is always a winner. Again, the highlight involved a young boy and his dad. The boy was picking up random books and asking his dad what it was called and what it was about. I didn't hear what the title of one book was, but the boy's response was "that's what Mommy always says she's doing". My mind immediately imagined the possibilities as to what the title could possibly be, especially since the dad gave a chuckle after hearing his son's statement. For better or worse, the title of the book was Housekeeping, which was far less enjoyable than if the title had been something like Binge Drinking or Destroying the Environment.

-The line at the Apple store. This was my first observation coming into the mall. Everyone was still lined up for their new iPhone, which would be nice to have, but not at the risk of being written about in a terrible blog in the process. It was a fairly motley crew waiting patiently for a chance to get inside the store. It wasn't clear if the store actually had the electronic jewels or if standing in the line would only help you get one IF a delivery came. Either way, about half the people in the line had their previous iPhones out in clear view while waiting for the opportunity to buy a new one. I'm not sure if this says more about people wanting or needing an iPhone less than a year after the original. Did their first one suck that bad and need replacing, or will the new features change their life to the extent that they must buy a new one, even though they're not eligible for an upgrade yet, since we all know they have bought a new phone in the past year or less. Either way, I guess there are worse places to spend a Sunday afternoon, but to stand in roped-off lines like tech-cattle seems a bit demeaning. This was validated/justified by an older gentleman's assessment and general confusion as to why there was a line in the middle of the mall that didn't involve Santa Claus or cinnamon rolls. He finally concluded, "Oh they're at the iPod store." And it all made sense.

As frustrating and progressively overdue this search for living room furniture is becoming, it has provided valuable knowledge in many areas. Aside from the predictable ruminations of consumerism, materialism and brand awareness that could accompany an introduction of that sort, there is more to it. When searching for second-hand furniture, there is a unique balance of trust between the old and new possessor. Whether a piece is simply borrowed or bill of sale is written up, there is that lingering thought of what was and what might still be.

Furniture sees a lot, feels a lot, withstands a lot and absorbs a lot. Hence the whole "tendency to be expensive" thing. It's a worthy cause for large expenditure much of the time, but before that happens, a lot else must happen. The decision-making process on such large ticket items that have so many equivalent alternatives is awful. This reality has taken up residence in me quite recently and now it feels as though economics could prevail above complete and absolute peace of mind.

By shopping for used furniture, some of the tough decisions are already made. Chances are there will only be one choice of color, not 47. There will only be one place to make the purchase, not seven convenient locations to serve you in the tri-state area. The luxury of store delivery (at a cost, of course) is not an option. Add in the presumed lower price and it seems a winner. Enter the trust issue. The buyer is automatically suspicious of who is selling what and why. Nobody wants what isn't good enough for someone else, or maybe they do, so long as it improves their lot. When the options are an empty floor or a lighter wallet, it's nice to find middle ground. When outfitting a rented property, it seems foolish to be so concerned over what was bought new anyway.

As a matter of pride, it's important to play down the idea of paying money for someone else's rejects. However, as a seller, it can be just as important to justify the rejection to those potentially interested in buying. Most people don't want to be seen as a purveyor of crap, so the process of explaining oneself begins. Since every buyer's first assumption is that the furniture for sale is either damaged, hideous, full of urine, or some combination therein, it can be a tough sell. As evident by some online listings experienced personally, the "real" reason people get rid of furniture ranges from moving out of country to a desire for more floorspace to a means by which to obtain more games for Nintendo Wii. Yes, some of Middle Tennessee's finest used furniture can be procured with the simple currency of Wii games. Perhaps the furniture in question simply interferes with the seller's backswing on WiiGolf or sword reach on The Legend of Zelda. Clearly there are priorities in life.

I'm sure with this couple hundred square feet of open wood floor in the living room, there could quite a bit of sweet Wii action in this place. Problem is, besides the echo, there is no Wii here. The money to be spent on furniture could just as easily be spent on Wii, though, and the stark nature of the living room (which already resembles a raquetball court) would be serving a purpose. Everyone would want to come visit the Wii arena and life would mean something. We'll sleep on that one.

So apparently blogs are more entertaining with visuals. Today's youth are afflicted with tiny attention spans, so cheap thrills sell. I don't really know what it is people want to see, but I do know people enjoy funny pictures. With that in mind, I knew nowhere else to go but a Google Images search for "funny picture". I expect readership of this blog to skyrocket starting exactly right now:





and, as the first result of a Google Image search for "funny picture", this is the funniest picture on the internet:



Prevailing theme? Open mouths=Funny, apparently.

Along the same lines as that last ridiculous entry, sometimes it feels like the potential for something very movie-like is visible, but all it's missing is that spark that transforms the situation. Action in films has become so commonplace, that our minds can easily visualize something sensational happening that would otherwise be something we'd never want to imagine.

Driving 70-80mph on the interstate seems very pedestrian in real life, but rest assured, something crazy will happen in the movies. A wheel will come off an axle unexpectedly, a piece of debris will fly into the windshield, or maybe a bridge will be out and someone forgot to post a sign or something.

When sitting in an airport terminal, I always like to sit near the huge banks of windows that look out on the tarmac, just to imagine the possibilities. The possibilities if life were a movie, that is. If it weren't so destructive and life-threatening, it would be more fun to shoot a bazooka at a distant fuel truck than just sit there. Maybe after the impact of the bazooka and the subsequent explosion, the burning remains of the fuel truck could swerve uncontrollably into a line of parked airplanes, thus detonating all of them too. Maybe that's why my flights are always late to leave: stupid guys with their bazookas.

As the message board said on the interstate this weekend, "It won't kill you to slow down". It does in the movies.

The question has been often been asked before if art imitates life or life imitates art. Maybe just the first question is asked a lot, but some clever people have decided to ask the second. Either way, I'm not sure if I've had the same experience as those clever people, but I often find myself building a film around my everyday activities and movements. It's as if my surroundings become a set and only one dimension of it really exists. Placement and movement are planned, rehearsed and choreographed. Then something goes wrong, but nobody yells "cut". Rather, the scene continues and eventually works itself out with improvisation or spirals into further crappiness. Blogger's spell-check does not like the word "crappiness", by the way. It also insists on a hyphen in "spell-check".

Probably the most common duality between real life and a film is the soundtrack. There is such an automatic association between a time and place and the music present, it's hard not to think you're in a movie when a certain experience is accompanied by a certain piece of music, as if it were planned that way. Most common for me is the opening credits sequence. Unmistakably, this is going to happen when I'm first waking up in the morning, or driving a car in one of several scenarios.

The waking up "scene" usually consists of a pair of bare feet (mine, that is) hitting the floor from a below-bed camera angle. As soon as the feet (mine again) hit the floor, a guitar riff ushers in the opening credits. Right now the best song in mind for this is "Bastards of Young" by The Replacements. A second scenario would be something where a black screen is accompanied by an alarm clock playing something like Sonny and Cher (a la Groundhog Day). It feels like this could be any of our real lives on a real day-to-day basis, just not mine, as I wake up to a brutally annoying ring-tone thing on my cellphone.

While the waking up scene is easy to experience personally, the all-time "this could be in a movie" moment is driving in a particular place with particular music providing the soundtrack. It just has "that feel" to it, but there isn't just one way for this happen. It can occur with a completely appropriate connection or a seemingly contradictory one. An example could be a classical symphony playing behind a scene of gridlock traffic in the worst heat of summer. The significance lies in the contrast, while our senses are able to first differentiate, then combine, the two opposing forces. Less complex is something like driving through the empty downtown streets of a city late at night with something like "Street Spirit (Fade Out)" by Radiohead on the radio. The physical activity of driving is complemented by the music and gives it a far more natural and fluid feel. Pontiac must have been thinking along the same lines with the commercial featuring M83 as the background music. However, the commercial made me want an M83 album more than a Pontiac. Hence the trouble with making the music too good in a commercial, movie, TV show.

Music has a unique ability to supersede pretty much anything else that it competes with for attention. But yet, buying a movie soundtrack isn't a very satisfying experience because the music is so easily associated with what happens in the movie. While "Someday I Suppose" is a great song on its original recording, if its being heard on the Clueless soundtrack, it should conjure up that ridiculous party in the movie where the Bosstones are inexplicably playing.

So, this rant has really accomplished nothing. Maybe it would do better with a song in the background.